God guides in amazing ways. Last blog I wrote regarding the opportunity to go back to Zuni to teach. Well, that was a hard decision for me and I kept feeling like God wasn't saying anything -- like He didn't care. I finally decided to just do nothing unless I knew for sure I should change my plans somehow. So I called Zuni and told them I couldn't take the job. The next day I had to call in sick and as I was laying on my bed feeling miserable, I realized that I had made the decision the previous day simply because I was afraid of making a decision. So (this is not a recommended business practice!) I called back and asked if they had offered the job to anyone else. Since they had not, I said I was reconsidering and asked if they could give me an extra day for an extension. They were kind of excited at the prospect.

This time I actually began gathering information, like what other people thought about working in the district, how the politics were in the school, whether my friends in Zuni had any advice, etc. I finally connected with the lady who was trying to hire me regarding my questions about living in Zuni, beginning work in a new district, teaching pre-school when I have little experience in that level, and trying to figure out the job-sharing position better. After many prayers, trying to make lists of pros and cons (for some decisions that seems to help. For this one it did nothing), a lot of journal writing, and some tears, I decided that I should go for it -- that as an open door, I had no business refusing it. Then the lady finally got back to me about salary, benefits, apartment rent, and that kind of bread-and-butter stuff. I sat down again and realized that I'll clear about the same amount whether I substitute teach mostly full time here or go down and get a full-time position where I have to pay all my room and board. And then came the clincher. I realized I couldn't afford to get down there. I didn't have enough saved yet to move on, and they couldn't help me with moving expenses.

I thought this was so funny -- the whole time I felt like God was just leading me on, not telling me anything, forcing me to make a life-changing decision with no information, no call from Him, nothing. And then in the end, the decision was so clear because there was only one option.

The very next day I got a call from a principal of a tiny Christian school in Spokane. He wanted me to consider a long-term substitute position in first grade. This was a totally different decision -- first, it doesn't have as big effects. I would live at home either way. And it's funny because I'm not worried about this one. Actually, I don't really feel like it's in my hands much at all. It was like the opportunity was offered, and then doors just started flapping open and shut until I don't know exactly what God will do, but I'm sure it will be cool!

First, the day before this offer was given I had a TERRIBLE day of substituting. Neat kids, third graders, but they argued with me the whole day, lied, and there was this one kid who absolutely refused to listen. I told him to go the office and he said "no" and continued doing whatever he wanted to. Since there was only 15 minutes left until the whole class was leaving for the bus, I decided I'd just stop by the office with him on our way out the door. Bad decision -- he knew that I wasn't going to make anything I told him during those 15 minutes stick, so he kept getting worse and worse. I should have just called someone from the office to come get him. Finally it was time to go to the bus. I told him he had to stay with me because we had to go to the office -- that he had the choice to promise to stay beside me or I'd have to hold his hand. Of course he wouldn't promise, so I held his wrist on the way to the office. Then I got in trouble because you're never allowed to touch a student in a way that might possibly be construed as violent -- the school and I are liable to be sued in a situation like that. I felt about 1/2 an inch tall after this incident and after carefully documenting everything like I was told, started wondering if I'm really cut out for public school and all the red tape after all. So the idea of being with little first graders in a private school with parents who wouldn't be looking to pick a fight with me seemed like a great plan.

Then, I all of a sudden got this impression that I should check if it was still possible to go on the mission trip to Mexico with the church I've been attending most regularly here. It seemed like that would be an important aspect of the decision. So I started calling about it and it turned out that I could go as long as I got my deposit in within two days. Isn't that weird? So then I called the school and said I was interested in the long-term position, but had this little problem about wanting to go to Mexico on the first of June. The principal, miraculously, said it would be no problem if I wanted to miss the last week of school for that! I couldn't believe it -- so I basically said I'd take the job. If they're so desperate that they are willing to work around a huge scheduling conflict like that, I'm definitely willing to go.

So now I'm waiting to hear back from the principal, because he has to make a maternity leave offer to the teacher I'd be replacing, and see if there are any other ways around this, etc. But I'm excited either way, because I love both the school I'm substituting at right now (I got over my depression about my mistake -- God forgave me, and the school did, and the parents weren't mad at all because they had bigger fish to fry), and the idea of having my own class and working at this neat little school. So we'll see what God does. Like I said, either way it will be exciting.

And I'm very grateful that God left me here with my family. He is giving me a love for this land, and helping me re-establish my place here as an adult instead of as the kid I was. A few connections are starting to grow with church and young adult group, and now I'm going on this mission trip. So I'm pretty interested to see where God leads next, and if it's a nail-biter decision or a door-flapping one. :-)

May God bless you in all your decisions as well, and make them clear in His timing. Too bad His schedule doesn't always match ours! But He really does give "life more abundantly."