Loneliness is a strange phenomenon. I spent the last few weeks of the school year and the first week of summer frantically flurrying to avoid it... looked for a job too late. About halfway through the search came the realization that God promises to meet my NEEDS, not my wants. I stopped praying for a summer job and started praying for friends.

And God started working on me hard-core. I like being alone, for about two hours a day. The rest I chafe under, worry that the world might forget me, wish for more noise and more activity. I fret that my wonderful housemate is moving to Nigeria and with her, half of my ties to people my age in the community here. I complain to God that He's not doing a very good job of meeting my NEEDS. I feel sorry for myself, try to think of a way to meet people, fail miserably, and become more isolated.

This past week, I went to camp. I was a counselor; middle schoolers were the campers. The theme of "Out the Box" was explained through stories from the Bible, testimonies of other people, verses declaring who God is. We ran around and played hard all day. And amid all the activity and people that even my restless heart could desire, I was still lonely. Now instead of just people, I wanted really really close friends. I wanted to be an integral part of what was happening, instead of just a one-week volunteer.

Do you see the forbidden fruit, dangling in front of me? Do you hear the voice, "Did God REALLY say you have to live life COMPLETELY ALONE??" Do you see the lie?

Thursday night we had a time to give our "boxes" to God - to renounce the things that hold us back from freely following Him, whether that be an addiction, a fear, or too much concern for what others think of us. I knew I was boxed in, but didn't know by what. Until God showed me.

I was afraid of loneliness.

There is a difference between feeling loneliness and fearing it. Feeling loneliness is not something I can help all the time (although, it's also not to be focused on... I need to be keeping my eyes on Jesus, not my own little self). But fearing it is where I fell into the devil's schemes. I believed that maybe God did not have my best interest at heart. I thought that perhaps His plan for me was misery and disconnectedness. That can never be!

Giving away my fear of loneliness to God was one of the most wonderful feelings. I can rest now, knowing that He is taking care of my needs instead of fearing that maybe He won't. He is GOOD.